XXXPLORATORY SESSION #1: THE GRIP

So Mary has mastered The Grip. Not only is her mouth extraordinary but she is not afraid to hold a cock tightly while she lathers it up between her lips.

Most women in my limited experience, just never get it, that when they are blowing you or jerking you off that they are competing with one's own masturbatory grip. The honed, polished, fine-tuned way by which you have hung onto yourself for X amount of years. Watch gay porn or gangbang porn where you can see men taking themselves into hand for the big finale and every guy has a different technique, style, grip, and speed.

Some hold their hard dangle between two fingers and speed pump, but most have some form of full hand around themselves varying the speed until they find their groove...some do the old "reverse genie shine" using their hand thumb down towards the body then up and over with a quick twist on top...most mix it up a bit but have one particular "kung-fu grip" that they call home. I guarantee all of these guys know their particular groove like the back, er, palm of their hand. You settle in and lose track of all reality once your particular grip has found its hold.

For my particular A-zone, I like a strong tight grip which helps keep you as hard as possible while also engorging the head to its most sensitive fullness. And being a guy who doesn't cum easily from oral, the grip is a key element for my focus and pleasure when someone's goal is to get me to geyser.

Now, some lovers may just go to town on you, keeping their hand down at the base of your dick, cupping your balls lightly; more interested in just keeping the rod pointing skyward and into their waiting mouths and that's nice but I love a grip that, while not painful, is tight and strong like my own hands.



Sometimes an overly zealous lover might really jerk you hard up and down and for some guys, this is the key. Personally, I am not a fan of having the skin ripped off my cock. Just me. Mary did a little quick tugging but it was just the right mix of strength and speed. Ah, the foibles of a picky penis. Or as we like to call it, a "Honky Tonk Penis." Never a fan of the supper aggro speed pump, I like a bit more titillation and variety and I love to see what's going on. The visual is SO important. Nothing more exciting than seeing my big head being caressed and enveloped while I look into my lover's eyes.

The thing about variety is really to try a lot of moves/techniques but to stick with each one a bit and see how your partner reacts. You very likely will stumble on a few things that float his particular boat.

For me, if the goal is to finish me off to orgasm, after a bucket load of foreplay and hours of wild teasing and fucking (or if we're shooting for a speedy shooting, as they say) I'm all about repetitive, rhythmic firm hold squeezing hardest on the up strokes and release a bit of pressure on the down stroke. Slow and rhythmic. The key is the slight variance of the two. Take the same amount of time going up and down just decrease the pressure a bit. Wetness is a big factor too. The fine line between the perfect amount of lubrication and a painful experience is to be paid attention. Stopping and licking the shaft, balls, etc (which if we have gotten to the near explosion stage should have already been a wondrous part of things), is good at this near orgasmic place (but don't stray from that grip for too long) and try to come back with the same rhythm and pressure. And if I say, "That's it, that's it," or "Don't change". DON'T, I'm almost there. Many a hard earned orgasm has been waylaid by disregard for this particular bit of advice. Let me go off, PLEASE. I'm no quick-draw artist. I love to take my time but when I'm about ready my lover, should be as ready to share my ecstatic moment as well.

I digress, get used to it...Now, back to Mary. A new lover in my life. She of the EXPLORATORY PARTNER coinage in the previous blog. She needs no advice; the girl is on it. She had mentioned in a letter that she'd been told she had a talented mouth. I will vouch for that. She is delicate and attentive and there were moments in this, our first sexual encounter, that were incredibly unique to her and memorable for me. She hadn't been with a man for 5 years and the smile on her face when she pulled out my cock was wide and endearing. She looked as if she was seeing something spectacular for the first time. I can go with that. Pumped up my self-esteem and tumescent yearning, that's for sure. "Wow." Wow? Not something I hear often enough :) "It's beautiful," she said later. I've never quite seen my cock that way. Of course, like most guys I want somebody else's bigger, longer, thicker, more reliable dick but then again who am I to argue with these smart women who like what they see or even feel kind enough to give me that angle for my own edification. Thanks ad infinitum.

At any rate, one thing she did that was particularly distinctive and gratifying to me, was that after holding and sucking and caressing my hardness for a while she slid up and laid my throbbing, warm shaft next to her neck. I could feel her heart beating and I'm sure she could feel the pumping of mine as well. She'd turn her head away from me, kiss my belly, turn back toward my cock and give it a very light pinch of a squeeze with her small fingers or a soft nibble. I could feel my balls warm against her chest. This was a wonderful moment as if she were honing in on the pounding fella, getting to know him, feeling his pulse with her own. I liked this tremendously. I would have loved it if her soft, ample breasts had been exposed and skin to skin with my upper legs but can't have it all at once now can we.

I am very excited to get to know this fascinating woman. Her mind draws me in and she exposes herself easily. Not in spewing waterfalls of words (she's a bit shy about just letting loose with personal details about herself but when asked she really seems open to discuss anything and comfortable and very sexually open). Now, her writing on the other hand, seems completely free flowing, not shy in the least. One of the most articulate and self-exposing bloggers in my limited experience and she is very much unafraid to let it all out on the written page.

I've never really thought in such detail about the intricacies of what gets me into the spew zone, just sort of let it rip as it does. This was fun. Maybe next I'll try to figure out why I love to watch sexual action so much. Voyeuristic circus acts and people smooching and discreet hands on asses, viewed from the nearest corner are all way good things.

...But I digress...After 25 years with the same partner, these new lips against mine, new differences of style, body, approach and mind in the last three women I have had the joy of sharing sexual moments with, has been just wondrously fascinating, exhilarating and intense. Unlocking the sexual me is something I'd long wondered if I'd ever get the chance to do...yeeeeehaw.

EXPLORATORY PARTNERS

I had never really heard this term until yesterday. An interesting woman who I had just gotten to know had said the word in our short goodnight after a second long evening of chat together. I was my usual cryptically hestitant self, not giving up any signs of stirring up some passion and she said to me, "Are you at ALL interested in me?" I garbled some scrambled answer meaning to say, "Fuck yes," to which she said something I sort of half heard that included something like "Everybody needs a friend" and "exploratory partner." Huh? What is that?

Of course, being my dense self, I was never quite sure if she was interested in me or how or for what either. So I spun scenarios, fantasies, and questions on my 10 minute ride home and ran into the house to type her a letter trying to clarify my throbbing interest (sorry, such a graphic image for such a more wonderfully complex attraction). Basically, the gist of my letter was...I'm open, what you got?

This morning I got a letter from her (let's call her "Mary" for fun) which spelled things out...distinctly. She thought she and I had similar sexual interests and were in a position to "switch off" when things got too clingy or "traditional". She sounded particularly interested in exploring some pain based scenarios, some S&M fantasy, some interaction based on pushing the sexual envelope a bit, some group stuff.

Uh, I'm in. What else you got? Where do we start. What, has she been reading my journals? Is this an intellectual approach to the age-old "fuck buddy"? I always hated that term but always wanted to have one. My proclivity was always sex=love=relationship and not always in that order. More recently it has been sex=touching god=humanity's oneness with all. More realistically, it could be equated as sex=fun=self-renewal=discovery. More than likely it is something a kin to how much exposure can one's sexual psyche take without exploding in a blissful quagmire of ecstatic NOW. Or as my friend Lars likes to say, sex=ok, I'll be Carlos the Pool Boy and you be the rich dowager.

What I'm trying to say, before I continually interrupt myself, is that this woman hit the nail on the head. I wrote the song "Why Waste Time" years ago and my, how it applies now.

On the one side is fear, on the other side love
and you stand alone in between
and in a shimmering orbit we fly
in a shimmering orbit we fly.

One day we're low and the next we're above
In the middle: the world that we've seen
And in a shivering moment we die
in a shivering moment we die.

so why waste time, why waste time
so why waste time, why waste time

On one side is weakness, on the other side strength
And everything else is a dream
And it's a glimmering tear that we cry
It's a glimmering tear that we cry.

So why waste time, why waste time
Why waste time, why waste time

One side says "No" and the other says "Go"
Chances blow by on the wind
Just a quivering instant gone by
A quivering instant gone by.

So why waste time, why waste time
Why waste time, why waste time*

Mary picked me out of the proverbial line-up and saw "spiritual, sexual, kama sutra, music boy" in the town where she had found little connection at a time when she was re-evaluating celibacy as a part of her spiritual practice and I walk into the door with a Tantric manual tied to my throbbing manhood like a talisman of silly import. Welcome to the high country where the altitude strafes your endurance and the rednecks push your buttons with their elbows so as not to dirty their hands with your fevers. So we are rebels here without applause (unless you call the sound of a paddle slapping a fresh pink ass applause)

As I was trying to say, it is time to allow my sexual proclivities some breathing room; to unbutton their straight-jacket but leave the cuffs on. All good.

I'm looking forward into some role switching with Mary, allowing her aggressor tendencies to slap around my passive side and in exchange give her a bit of her own medicine. I'd love to blindfold her, tie her to a chair and have her listen to Randi and I make love, getting up to tighten the nipple clips on her magnificent breasts, to slide my damp cock across her lips while Randi brushes Mary's face with her flowing hair. This of course would lead to both of them slicking up my hard rod simultaneously before I flip Randi over and slide into her while Mary greases up my anxious ass and enters me with a slippery strap-on, her breasts dangling precariously over my back...for starters...