DEBAUCHERY UPDATE #3

DU #2 hit in 2009 on October 1st and it's taken me a bit longer to get back to the update of my year of new sexy experiences due to a hectic year of job change, coast change, world change. As I mentioned in my post titled POST-DIVORCE DEBAUCHERY I was inspired by a member on Adult Friend Finder with her post called "what a year!" to note there my new, sexy and fun accomplishments of the past four years since my separation in 2003 and subsequent divorce. So this is really something of a second cumming serialized list, pun intended.

So here is the 2010 wrap-up...Things have still been going well this past year, not so much in quantity but in quality. In fact, if numbers of sexual experiences was the goal then this year has been shy of the past couple of year's sweat-o-meter. But if we are talking interesting and new situations then 2010 has had some definite high points...

* Miss Mary, my Exploratory Partner, came across country and moved in with me in Oct 2009. Platonic in only the strictest sense, in that we aren't "in a relationship" of any pedestrian or predictable definition. No strings other than honesty, communication, caring and respect...a tolerance for nakedness around the house, a steady hand when trimming my pubic hair (it's indeed a matter of trust with scissors literally a hair a way from the treasured yambag) and an ability to get things started in record time with our occasional shared partners. She is a fearless, giving and very sexy EXP. Having someone sleeping in the next room who preferred to hear the sounds of me jerking off as opposed to asking me to close the door when the urge hit me was a nice perk as well. And her occasional hops into my bed, fresh from a shower to lend a hand or just be there to watch me take advantage of myself in various and sundry ways was indeed a nice change of pace. She also liked to ask that I jerk off in front of her in the living room while she played solitaire on her laptop, and no, that's not what they are callin' it these days, she would literally play solitaire on her laptop. Seems she liked to push her level of concentration to its limits. Not to mention the astrological, stylistic, spiritual, experiential and intuitive dating advice she would give me when I headed out head full of hope and mind on some 'lil chippie who indulged me with an evening of company. A colorblind gigolo could ask for nothing more than someone to keep him from walking out of the door looking like a circus monkey fresh from the spin-art booth. She's only my treasured EXP, but my BRE (best roomie ever) as well.

* She began using the alias Chad whenever she felt in the dominant mood and we had a wonderful experience the first time when she put the huge 10" dildo down her tight jeans and pulled my head to her bulging crotch ordering me to "suck her off" and then in short order pushing me down onto the futon and taking me swiftly. That she dressed like a man and I could still feel her heaving breasts against my chest as she forced herself in and out of me was quite the turn on.

* Miss Mary and I also explored this year on occasion with her latest lesbian lover (threesome #5, foursome #2&3). More on these elsewhere but they would allow me to watch the two of them fuck, which I did on a few occasions sometimes standing over them with my cock in my hand. EXP and I also had a short threesome (trio #6 and quartet #2) in January with my #3 poly partner who finally began sexual relations with me after checking me out heavily late in 2009 and then putting me on the back burner until one of her regular partners was comfy with another new face/cock in the mix logistically. EXP's gf also showed up and watched me and my partner for awhile and then EXP and her gf laid down next to us and watched me go down on my partner. Fun, fun, fun. Only the start of a grand night of kink with poly #3 but also, more on this later.

* MORE DOMINANCE - my little poly girl #3, not only my first Latina but the tiniest partner I have ever had (4'11", 97 lbs), shared a wonderful evening of profound spanking. No sex, just ordering her to her knees and she would scramble to the corner and cower...and well, I won't give it all away but this was an evening dedicated to her pleasure via spanking and slapping and virtually hovering over her with focused intimidation. A wonderful chemistry. We were to revisit this behavior on occasion and it worked well for both of us. Can't wait until next time...

* FALLING HARD: I can's say that this was a first, but in the first month of the year I fell surprisingly fast and hard for a woman much younger than I. Me: 53, she: 28. And a stunner. Although, of course I was attracted physically, it was the cat and mouse game of exploring each others minds via chat, text, long late night phoners, drinks, dates music, and mostly helping her through a very trying time. In the end I felt used up as she needed too much of me and I was receiving less and less of what I needed from her. C'est la vie. The selfishness of youth tosses another ship onto the rocks drawn to the Siren's call.

* HAVE I MENTIONED MY LONG-TERM INTERNET-ONLY ROMANCE WITH A WOMAN FROM MY PREVIOUS TEEN YEARS? No? Well, I've probably been saving that up for a long post when and if we ever meet face-to-face. In a nutshell, about 4 years ago now I was approached on MySpace by a woman from my high school. We'd been next to each other in the yearbook all four years but had never spoken. She really didn't remember me but broke the ice, "Is that you next to me? You're kinda cute. Why didn't we know each other?"

Consequently, we got to know each other deeply very quickly. She and I both being the open types, we started out talking home town memories and catch-up and quite quickly the comfort levels grew and we found we were both basically kinky, sexy, flirty, verbal people with a ton in common and 3000 miles away from each other. Oh well, the phone sex was insane and we dreamed loud and even planned a possible tête-à-tête, a clandestine meeting or two which, alas, never came together. We fell apart during the past year, incommunicado over some misunderstanding needlessly trumped up to facilitate an easier and more drastic way of dealing with the uncertainty, the passion and the questions so far from each others' reality. By year's end. We have mended fences lately but are both careful to not ignite any flames we couldn't extinguish. I miss the full-on sexiness of our interactions tremendously. I miss the hope for more and the wonderful positivity of knowing I had found a like-minded soul blazing with endless possibility. I yearn for that feeling again before this life ends.

* 2009 had found me being frustrated with Adult Friend Finder, the adult dating site after a couple of years on. Having had no real connection with anyone of note, no dates, meetings etc. In the new year I decided to concentrate more on real-world dating, dancing and flirting which has been a boon. I bailed on AFF and saved some bread. I missed the surfing through wild and sexy profiles of people but not the constant posing and wild, goose chase atmosphere. I had earlier bailed on Extreme Restraints dating site (a variance of AFF) as being just to over-the-top for a nubile discovering his kink.

In short order though, I found FetLife. A free site for the BDSM community. Not a dating site, although people do hook up with exciting new folks there sometimes. More a way to plug into a community of people exploring the kinky side of life. From newbies, to part-timers, to those living the lifestyle 24/7 the site offers wide-ranging opportunities for exploring information, networking, photos, in-person local support groups, parties, etc for whatever proclivities, fetishes, fantasies you may have the desire to indulge in. Overall, my experience has been enlightening and people kind and really non-judgmental. I find the advice giving nature of the groups on the site receptive, generally warm, and not only informative but vastly entertaining. There, as in any forum, are always flamers and such but generally, it seems pretty acceptant and tolerant. I also haven't visited SLS (Swing Life Style) site all year. Once I realized that it was predominantly partner oriented and I wasn't in a full-time partnered situation any longer (my polyesque long-distance lovers aside), and that swinging was not really what I was interested in...i.e. just random sex with other people's partners...not that I've anything against that...but I've found my way into emotionally connected relationships that have an open-minded sexual perspective (the poly world) and it seems to satisfy the need for that love and connective commitments emotionally that only having a full-time partner can trump. But, I'm open for suggestion, if nothing else.

I've discovered in these last few post-divorce, playfully experimental years that I'd a) love a full-time relationship b) wouldn't be bad at dealing with it being an open relationship sexually if that was my partner(s)'s choice as well c) I am not of a naturally promiscuous character. Seeking intellectual, spiritual, emotional AND sexual connection. Granted, the odd romp in the hay or on the rack would not be frowned upon. And until that day, let the fun continue. I have been lucky to, overall, have spent the last 6 years vastly enjoying a more satisfying, enlightening and expanding sexual profile and palette and I'm ready for more.

* Also in 2010 I went to my first MUNCH. This was a monthly meeting of an area BDSM support group. Great people, 80 couples, getting together for fun, food, games, and ribald discussion of their shared interests. Just like a monthly meeting of car or bridge or knitting aficionados except the conversation might lean towards being handcuffed to a police cruiser by your partner dressed as a cop and violated on a deserted street late at night; a couple of hands of blackjack with the loser having to confess some deep dark fantasy; or a demonstration of someone doing needlework on a person's privates. Well, actually, this last thing would be more likely to take place in the privacy of a group party...

* Yes, EXP and I attended my first BDSM house party and I will post about this wildly, wonderful experience, I promise.

* Unfortunately, in my bicoastal running around I was hard pressed to become involved heavily in the POLY support group I joined in Philly. They have monthly meetings and seem like fun people but, sad to say, no time.

* It has also been a slow year for my practicing Taoist sexual techniques. Lack of partners being a major hindrance. But I continue to read Mantak Chia and search for an open-minded and spiritually oriented partner who would like to perhaps study westernized Tantric ideas and techniques.

* Ah, yes and I had my first MAN-LOVE experience of consequence. Again more on that in detail elsewhere. Let's just say, it involved a friend who I had been circling and he me for a few months, and an evening delivered with the help of my EXP and her partner that turned into a somewhat disappointing but also vastly exhilarating foursome for reasons you will be filled in on later.

* DANCING. Yes, dancing. I may have mentioned that I didn't dance until I was 48 years old See the archive for October 29, 2007 titled C'MON LET'S GO

and 2010 found me dancing almost weekly whenever one of my favorite bands were playing. So much sexy fun. * I also found out in 2010 that a pair of good married friends of mine have a DUNGEON in their basement. NIIIICE! In fact, they were at my first Munch and invited me to my first BDSM party. I still have not been to their home play room but plan on when I am next in their town.

* also in 2010, an acquaintance who recently leaped into the kink life, became first a pro dominatrix and then after meeting a new full-time partner, leaped into the kink performer realm. She is WAY more advanced than I and goes into kink that I'm not at all interested in exploring personally but that are so very fascinating and out of this world edgy. So much for having her give me a tied-down butt whoopin' (gifted from a good friend with voyeuristic tendencies) but maybe she'll be willing to get around to it...I also am hoping to learn more about shibari (artful Japanese rope bondage) and learn about suspension this year at the request of my tiny polygf #3.

* In fact, polygf #3 my tiny, spankable Latina is in reality, at present my polygf #1 since my former polygf #1 (Randi) is in celibate mode, concentrating on business, new house and hubby issues and my polygf #2 (don't let EXP hear me call her that...she allows only the definition of EXP/BRE/Miss Molly/Chad and nothing beyond to taint our ever fluctuating but always deeply connected intertwinings) is into a full-on lesbian relationship roomie mode and I have moved West. So for ease of description here at least I will keep the definitions as such until I figure something else out.

* Another first was a motel room MFM trio with polygf #3 and a bf of hers, the same who ws initially trepidatious about me joining her circle. It was a wonderful surprise for her and a last minute addition of moi! this also deserves more extrapolation which I will get to in another post. A wonderful and different evening.

* In reality, this year has found me more "single" than "poly". While I still define myself as "polyamorous" because I feel that that is how I am presently wired, my real-life situation is not that way. I am 3000 miles from my main sex partner (#3 and again she is married and I am one of 3 poly bfs so it get complicated thus numbering...hahaha) as well as my EXP. And while I see Randi (#1) once or twice a month living on this coast, we are currently platonic but flirty and in my present surroundings the opportunities to meet single women are few and far between. I have never stopped loving my three girls (oh, sounding so deluded and possessive in only the most honoring and appreciative, not clinging way, of course) and I wish every day one of them (okay, all of them) were here with me. Such is life.

* On the positive front, just before I left the East Coast I found myself in some wonderful if fleeting flirtations with a handful of amazing women...an incredibly beuatiful, soulful, smart and mysterious young black woman (24) and a way sexy dancer; a dark and evasively surprising curly haired olive-complected waitress (mid-20s) and super intelligent; a young gaggle of fans of my music (20s); a long-time acquaintance and earth-mama who likes to smooch and flirt and who takes on the problems of the neer-do-wells around her (40s); a woman I've dated who just wants to be friends who is quite possibly one of the most overtly sexy and flirty person I've ever met (how do you spell frustration? She's a sizzlin' 40); a vivacious school teacher gf of a friend who I am enamored with who is flirty, open-minded but finally committed to him just as we started getting acquainted (early 20s); a spectacular 20-something dance partner who is right there with my moves, plugged into and drawn to my sexuality and at times simply oozes connection, artsy, unique, real and earthy girl who calls me her "older guy fantasy", she's also in a relationship with a buddy; and unfortunately...all 3000 miles away. I keep in touch with them regularly through the popular social networks and tehy all seem anxious for me to visit as am I. So why am I hear, family health issues (older parents), job opportunities pegged to slow economy...So if someone tells you the economy shouldn't affect your sex life, think again.

* I also began, on my last visit East, a mentoring of sorts to a long-time acquaintance who had recently split with her BF and was anxious to stick her toe (and other more delicate parts) into the kink world. She asked advice, joined FetLife and with little instigation from me 3000 miles away, dove tits first into the local BDSM scene. She met a couple or two online including a pair who know my dungeon keeping friends, went to a munch and then a sexy party in Philly and has found a new side to herself. You go, Blondie!

So all in all we'll give 2010, Three big cocks out of five:

* But for me, it's BACK TO LAND OF NO PUSSIBILITIES. I am truly enjoying the solitude and fresh air but it will get old. I haven't flirted or danced in three months so I am concerned about losing my game. I may have to import some hotties from back east. Hmmm, not a bad idea.

So in closing, I tell myself once again, that my motto really should be "QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY." Indeed.

DEBAUCHERY UPDATE #2

SO as I mentioned in my post titled POST-DIVORCE DEBAUCHERY I was inspired by a member on AdultFriendFinder with her post called "what a year!" to note my new, sexy and fun accomplishments of the past four years since my divorce. My friend likes to say I have PDD syndrome..

Ok, the hits just keep on cumming. For someone who basically flirts like the dickens (dick-ends?) but is not an instigator, I am somehow having more fun than I would have ever expected at the ripe old age of 52.

I had also mentioned that I'd hoped it would be a continuously evolving list...so here's the new stuff...

Here's a bit of an update since the last checklist of all of the sexy new experiences I've lucked into since my splitting with the ex-wife in 2003...

* Though I'd previously enjoyed anal toys applied by my partners, I'd longed to be fucked in the ass by a woman wearing a strap-on. Cross another off the list. It was quite amazing, I might add. Miss Mary rises to the occasion...

* Had my 2nd threesome with those same two women (3rd overall). A wonderful experience. I was in a more frequently voyeuristic position this time with less attention foisted on me and found I enjoyed it just as much as the previous occasion, especially since this occurrence was unplanned and spontaneous.

* Had a stunning marathon session with my exploratory partner and her live-in lesbian lover that lasted 18 hours (threesome #4). It was a marathon in four basic stages...I watched them for a couple of hours and then being pulled into a beautiful group grope with minimum physical involvement from me. Then I dominated EXP for an hour or more with her girl adding instruction from across the room via hand signals tying, flogging, spanking, debasing her while her girlfriend watched from various places in the room, eventually giving me hand signals as to what she wanted to see including making Exp come with my hands and forcing her to suck my cock. I was sub/dom at the same time. Kind of a switch's dream. EXP's gal then dominated me for a long while. She sat on my back, me face down in the long, white faux rug. She scraped her nails deeply and slowly up the back of my legs, spanked my ass with a leather paddle and strap, flogged my back and pushed her thumb's into pressure points behind my knees until I thought I was going to pass out while EXP watched, turned on from the couch. After a short break, I watched EXP fuck her girl with a strap-on and then they both gave much attention to me. In between all of these times were various grope-a-thons between us all.

* Had my cock sucked in suck-session by two women. One of whom hadn't sucked a cock in four years (full-time lesbian) and hadn't lost a thing, I might add.

* Had a session where I was dominated, spanked, flogged, had the pressure points on the back of my knees prodded, fingernails run hard up the back of my legs and back, and a hot wax/ice water routine by a woman of some experience while my EXP watched.

* began two interesting friendships which two amazing women, one a pen pal, who has joined me in fantasy writing back and forth and who I had my first chat sex with. Steamy, imaginative woman. This has developed into a full-fledged Internet romance with much possibility in the wings...I would like to introduce her to her first sex with another woman which is at top of her list...hmmm

* ate E for the first time and spent nearly three hours playing naked in the back of a Sequoia parked in a quite hotel parking lot. This was in the middle of a long weekend of tequila fueled debauchery and the best wedding reception ever.

* joined a Poly Party Group which I am excited to become active in. It is Philly based but looking for one out West. My embrace of my Poly lifestyle is being aided and abetted by my wondrous partners (x3) and an amazing new woman who has been in the lifestyle "officially" for 4 years with her equally loving and supportive hubby. Her stories and example from her life are truly overflowing with love and so incredibly inspiring. Sounds like we shall be playing together soon...I feel it comin' on...

* I had a wondrous 26 hour first date with an incredible woman named Christmas who said she had a "new trick", Ah, my first "squirter" (Sorry, Miss Mary. You can punish me later for using the word). I was quite impressed (and quite drenched). Between her talents and my increasing ability to utilize the Taoist "ingasm" techniques we were virtually a non-stop orgasm factory for a wonderful day. Wow. During the date we also got a call from my EXP who we put on speaker phone for a bit...we should have warned her so she could've cleared her schedule...lol...obviously, Christmas comes quite a bit more than once a year.

* Found myself being approached fairly regularly by very sexy, open-minded women whose only real similarity is that they are all in relationships that are tenuous based in some large part on the fact that their partners have become or have long been relatively asexual (not interested in sex). The women seem very attracted by the polyamorous nature of my life and also by the honesty, openness and non-agenda based sexiness they claim to see in me. I am sort of learning to understand this and I ain't complaining. I don't want to be a "player" but am looking for quality open-minded partners, and would love to have a handful of loving partners to bring into my existing circle. Not about quantity but quality. It's truly all about bring MORE love and compassion and understanding to each others lives and sharing the resulting fulfillment with the other people you love. Pretty enlightened concept though lots of work and hard to do successfully but I have been lucky and seem to be meeting the right, drama-less folks. Don't want to break up marriages or facilitate discord but I am comfortable that with right intent and loving empathy and communication that this can be good for all involved. Lecture over. Hahaha.

NOTHING IS EASY, NOT EVEN ME

So no one said this polyamorous life would be easy. Then again, I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for resonant, complex, tactile, varied, committed, honest, loving, creative, persevering, inspiring love. And so perhaps, having come to the conclusion that as a man of fairly advanced years (I'm 53), with a finite amount of time left on this earthly plain, I find it fairly incredulous to believe that if I haven't found my "soul-mate", true-love, one and only, by now that this may really be a possibility to stumble across a person that personifies all the dreamed of perfection and none of the difficult realities. Well, my dream girl or dream boy may not be lying in waiting. Maybe the lesson I am slowly learning is that the real living people in my life, with their uniqueness, their imperfections, their individual gloriousness, the way their eyes and touches and opinions reflect who I am, how we are different and similar all at once and how much it means to have such people in my life, is what is really the most important thing I seek.

POST-DIVORCE DEBAUCHERY

I was inspired by a member on AdultFriendFinder with her post called "what a year!" to note my new, sexy and fun accomplishments of the past four years since my divorce. Hopefully, this we be a constantly evolving list.

* Became a fully confident, sexually satisfied human being and most importantly learned to not define myself by who I was with and whether or not I was in a relationship. Finally, figured out that it was ME who made ME happy not someone else’s responsibility.

* Found that being polyamorous is not just an excuse to fool around, but also a chance to love and share and respect your partner(s) deeply. That polyamory has nothing to do with being promiscuous or with lack of commitment, love or devotion. In fact, it's all about deep commitment to honesty, sharing, openness and the happiness of your partner.

* Learned how to lose a great deal of my inhibitions

* Realized that yes, I am kinkier than most but still blown away by some of you all out there i.e. there’s always room for new insights ☺

* Became multi-orgasmic. Learned how to injaculate and men, it is worth the effort…way worth the effort.

* Became fully comfortable with my bi-tendencies and fantasies and anxious to find the right man to make them a reality. (I'm way picky, boys so be patient)

* Learned that my previous idea of what was sexually attractive was not only limiting but completely off-base…you are ALL gorgeous.

* Learned to have a lot more self-confidence in bed and in life.

* Started a sex blog that has become incredibly fun after years of secret journaling.

* Discovered that I love ass play and light bondage and discipline and role-playing even more than I ever thought.

* Re-entered a feverish and loving sexual relationship with an ex-lover from 27 years ago (who has been in a long, sexless marriage she is currently freeing herself from) and it’s SO much more passionate and sensual and intense than ever before. She is extremely responsive and open to many of my new sexual explorations and is as romantic and loving as anyone I have ever met. I adore every minute with her.

* Had phone sex for the first time and with my various lovers that shook the rooftops and allowed my verbal tendencies a new outlet.

* Had transcendent sex that totally changed my life spiritually and sexually after working through the initial confusion and misplaced emotional roller coaster that it began.

* Began a sexual tryst, a sort of more well-defined and heady “fuck buddy” regular scene with an “exploratory partner” that opened so many doors and realized so many fantasies and in spite of our early “rules” found us both just falling wonderfully for each other in an incredibly open, giving, sharing and non-clinging way that still reveals a wonderful depth of emotion and trust between us whether or not we are currently trysting.

* Had an orgy with two male old friends and two beautiful working girls that was just a blast.

* Had sexual relations with women 2, 13, 15, 25 and 28 years my junior.

* Admitted my bi-curiousness to a large handful of good friends and got nothing but positive reactions.



What

* Had sex with 2 different women in a 48 hour period.

* Had a woman lick my asshole. Amazing.

* Got fucked in the ass with fingers and toys by two different women. Wow.

* Fucked two different women in the ass a few times. Incredible.

* Stared into the eyes of a woman while she licked pussy for the first time of a woman who had never been with another woman.

* Got experience dominating and being submissive to a woman (with two different women together and three separately on a few occasions) using, whips, restraints, flogging, cuffs, tied one to a saddle, nipple clamps, dirty language, blindfolds, satin, food, candle wax, oils, dildos, vibrators, cock rings, feathers, silk dust and more…needless to say I am a full switch...

* Had my first threesome with two women: one who had minimal experience in group situations and the other who had zero experience with groups and zero experiences with women. I am officially and completely hooked.

* Had my cock sucked on at the same time by two women.

* Being tied and spanked and dominated by two women who took turns showing each other new tricks. Yum.



Where

(Most not actual firsts but fun none-the-less)

* Had sex in my shower in my new apartment (first time there)

* Had sex in my bed there also (first time there)

* Had sex in the hallway in my West Coast home (first time there)

* Have now had sex in every room of my West Coast home except for the basement

* Had sex in a hot tub for the first time

* Got a hand job in the car on Pacific Coast Highway

* Got a blow job in a strip joint (first time ever)

* Got a hand job on a train between NY and Philly (first time ever)

* Had sex in numerous hotel rooms

* Got a hand job in the open on a couch in a dark restaurant (first time)

* Pulled out my cock and rubbed up against my girlfriend in a phone booth in a restaurant (first time ever)

* Got passionate in numerous elevators (no sex yet but give us time)

* Accidentally ripped the headboard off the wall in a swanky Santa Monica hotel during my first new sex with my former/and newly rediscovered lover.



How Many

* my first and second threesomes (two different groups of girls – both FMF)

* my first bi-phone sex three-way. Me and a M friend on one end hovering over the speaker phone with my EXP on the other end of the line.

* More sexual partners in one year than in any previous year

* More different dating partners than I have ever had in a two-year period (actual sexual and non-sexual dates not including strip clubs…)

And this all before signing on to AdultFriendFinder...hmmm