SMALL INSTRUCTIONS #4

Hello my little slut,

Future plans: You will meet me fresh from shower using sandalwood soap. I want every inch of you smelling of this. You will wear expendable clothes and bring along something to wear home. Sexy panties a must. Clothes that can be cut or torn off of you and taken as shredded souvenirs as I desire.

You will call me only Sir, or mister. "No" will mean "yes." I will take you as I please and I want some resistance verbally and physically but I would like to see you cower as you did in my loving room the first time. When I am with you I am in a space of surety entwined with ecstatic suffering as your pain brings me a pain drenched with love and trust. Your trust empowers me.

When you left on Sunday, I stayed up for four hours fantasizing about so many filthy things I want to put you through. I will teach you to hurt me as well. A wonderful start we had. I long to call you from California and tell you all of these filthy things while you get yourself off. I yearn to find a young man anxious for you who will be tied and blindfolded and listen to me slap and chastise you. Who will listen to me fuck your ass, slap your thighs, hear you crying.

And while you are restrained and spanked into a trance, I will slowly pinch and kiss and provoke his anxious skin, pull his hair and suck his cock as you watch us, torturing him with enticing words and thoughts of his filling you with hard, thick cock. But before he is allowed to violate you, he must first make slow deliberate love to me, following your every wish.

Finally, we will both fill you with our warm fullness and splash our excitement across you beautiful face.

In the meantime, you are mine slutty plaything and I am your dastardly puppet.

WITHOUT PROVISIONS

Obsessed with love
From opposite poles
You with your redemption of revenge
Running from tri-pronged words
Lovers in your wake,
Leaping into the arms of Brave New Girl,
My own lust for love’s Medusian forms
Disparate, but quite desperate
For any slight permutation
To the point of self-hypnosis
Confusion of what is
And what will never be.
Two delusionists procrastinating their way
Through long, lonely patches
Of sloth-like self-immolation and deception
Missing boats, points, shivering seminal connections
Hanging from the rafters around us
Hungry for a little heartbeat
And slipping past us on the wings
Of my indecision
And your books of rules.

So you seek
Without judging
Those beneath you
Those you can save
Those you can ache to understand
Hoping
In the race to walk away
That the very thing which attracts you
Will make them easier to leave.
The big boned, the old daddies,
The misfit, artistic, needy and dysfunctional
Who contribute
To your own self-worth
Add texture and drama and inspiration and obstacle
To your daily grind
Some sense of being needed
Some sense of being flawed enough
To allow you to shine.

I seek the illusive beauty
The perfect smile
Round, young ass of a teen
On a full-grown, genius guruette
Someone I can worship
Bend over.
Walking dictionary goddesses
Wanting nothing more than to live their lives to fill my head
My bed
My waking moments with discovery
Sinful fire-breathing naughtiness
Accepting my genuflection
With my dominant stare,
Physical largess matching
Serve for serve
My passionate heart
My servitude
And enveloping embrace
With my self-flagellating doubt.
Iron filaments gather around me
Pulled with me toward the magnetic sphere
Of those not ready
To trust their own ability to love,
Pulled t’ward those damaged by
Fathers, boyfriends
Con men and hypocrites
All unable to hold tightly to their responsibilities
Express their love for anything but their own myopic screeds
Or those who take the first train out of Daddyville
By choice or fate
Leaving their sad, little girls to wonder why
Sitting on steps each night
Waiting for his big hands to sweep them up;
Impaled on the bitterness of cheating lovers
Harsh and ignorant men
Their own spiritless souls seeking
More than is willing to be given
Brothers gone on with life
Boyfriends greedy with lust
Girlfriends neck deep in temptation
Misunderstanding
Insecurity and
All of those mismatched,
Mistakes
Discarded moments
Miscalculated
Maligned
Possibilities
Tossed into the flames
Fear
Laziness
The drive for the perfect
Beast
Love’s precarious reputation
Holding the match.

And there we sit
Needing and wanting
What we cannot accept
What we will not fully give--
Everything.
There are those of us
Who cannot handle the torturous
Self-exposure
Seeking the restitution of revenge
Conscious and unconscious gaming
Positioning
Manipulations
The outward blaming
Replacing the outpouring of love’s unbridled
Flow
And all of us ego-driven
To the brink of self-delusion.

So the thoughtful of us
Hunker down in our solitude
Rolling an emotional fatty
A phalanx of equations, probabilities, deceptions and epiphanies
Around in our heads
Before we touch a match to it
Inhaling its smokescreen with hope
A candy drop you cannot resist biting into too soon.
We fail to be godlike
Use timing as our alibi
Being misunderstood as our cloak
Our cover.
We stand alone
Surrounded by God’s love
The universal bliss of our very existence as proof
Ignored in the cannonball leap
Looking for that big splash
Courting the deep end.
Just not damn sure.
Just wanting more.
Just needing
Our arms
Around the elusive
One
Forever
Loved.

~ for Miss Mary, 1/4/09 Big Bear City

GAME PLAN #2

You wait for my call. I say one word. "NOW." You run to the shower hose yourself down wash your ass especially well because tonight it is mine. Make sure you lube it up your well before you leave the house. You might even want to toss a couple of fingers in there in the shower to get used to the idea. You will drink a bottle of water while you are getting ready and one en route to my house. I want you to feel full. I want you in an expendable wife-beater or old button up shirt. No fucking bra this time unless you plan on having it cut off of you.  In fact, I want you in a plaid schoolgirl skirt. Dog collar. Drive to my house dressed this way. Do not be late but do not speed. I don’t want the police to get their hands on you like last time. Pull your car into the neighborhood and park up the street. Come to my front door. Knock three times. Wait 60 seconds and knock again. Open the front door. I will not answer. Slowly come inside. Call out, “Hello...anyone home? I’m lost...Can I use your phone?” Ask for directions. You got off at the wrong bus stop and don't know where you are. I will grab you from behind and take you then and there as I wish. You will definitely be at my beck and call. While you are still dressed and freshly fucked, you will crawl into the bathroom where I will piss on you in the bathtub and then you on my cock. You will then be led upstairs, punished and fucked heartily. Then I will order you to lick my ass and fuck me slowly with my strap-on, first on my stomach, whispering into my ear what an asshole I was and how you love fucking my ass...then you roll me on my back so I can stare into your eyes and slap your tits while you slide that hard cock in and out of me... Nice start for an evening you think? Perhaps a bit of ESPN or Matlock and a bite to eat instead? Don't fucking push it. You are mine and I am yours.