I've had a difficult time blogging about my first real, non-imaginary, threesome...Instead, I have been luxuriating in the memory, reliving the details in rich, vibrant, Technicolor r.e.m. sleep as well as in conversation with all of my jealous male friends, thoroughly impressed and beautifully skeptical female friends...but sit down and put the details down on "paper" has been a bit more difficult. It's almost as if I take the time to actually write about it, I may realize that it really was just some kind of twisted Twilight Zone moment where I slipped through the cracks between 50 years of fantasizing and some truly blessed event...would I be able to discern reality from fantasy?
So tonight while perusing online Swingers dating sites--and just wondering, "Is this really me? Do I have it in me to jump in dick first to a whole new lifestyle? Will my loving and willing girlfriend Randi be as willing as she has seemed to be in considering all of these other radically less dramatic 'suggestions' I've thrown at her way this past year?"--I hear from the TV across the room an old rerun of SEINFELD which held the answers to at least one of the aforementioned quandaries...YES, here is my way through the writer's block...through the invisible wall of indecision which has held back my confessional needs...so I give you…the prologue, catalyst, cattle prod that will hopefully bear blog fruit as I begin to tell you about the wonders of triplicate sex...
Read on from the SEINFELD episode called “The Switch”...It starts with Jerry & George planning Jerry’s attempt to do the impossible, trying to switch from dating one girl (Sandy) to her hotter roommate (Laura)...
GEORGE: All right. Let's go over it again, one more time.
JERRY: All right. So I tell Sandy that I want to have a ménage a trois with her and her roommate.
GEORGE: That's right.
JERRY: And you believe this course of action will have a two-pronged effect. Firstly, the very mention of the idea will cause Sandy to recoil in disgust, whereupon she will insist that I remove myself from the premises.
GEORGE: Keep going.
JERRY: At this point, it is inevitable that she will seek out the roommate to apprise her of this abhorrent turn of events.
GEORGE: Continue.
JERRY: The roommate will then offer her friend the requisite sympathy even as part of her cannot help but feel somewhat flattered by her inclusion in the unusual request.
{George takes over.}
GEORGE: A few days go by and a call is placed at a time when Sandy is known to be busy at work. Once the initial awkwardness is relieved with a little playful humor, which she [Laura] of course cannot resist, an invitation to a friendly dinner is proffered.
JERRY: Huh. Well, it all sounds pretty good. There's only one flaw in it: They're roommates. She'd have to go out with me behind Sandy's back. She's not gonna do that.
{Another pregnant pause. George?}
GEORGE: You disappoint me, my friend. Sandy wants nothing to do with you. She tells Laura, "If you want to waste your time with that pervert, that's your problem."
{Final pause. Jerry?}
JERRY: It's a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet so simple.
GEORGE: {George, finger in the peanut butter jar}: This is what I do.
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LATER IN THE SHOW...
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Sandy's apartment
SANDY: What:
JERRY: You know, I don't know the exact pronunciation but I believe its Ménage A Trois.
SANDY: Oooo, that is a wild idea
JERRY: Uh?
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LATER IN THE SHOW...
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GEORGE: Hey, what happened with Sandy. I forgot all about it. Did you call her?
JERRY: Yeah, I did. In fact I went over there.
GEORGE: So what happened? She throw you out? Eh?
JERRY: No actually, she took it pretty well.
GEORGE: So what happened?
JERRY: She's into it.
GEORGE: Into what?
JERRY: The ménage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate’s into the ménage too.
GEORGE: That's unbelievable.
JERRY: Oh, it's a scene man.
GEORGE: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?
JERRY: What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it.
GEORGE: You're not goin’ to do it? What do you mean, you're not goin’ to do it?
JERRY: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.
GEORGE: Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident.
JERRY: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it.
GEORGE: If only something like that could happen to me.
JERRY: Oh, shut up you couldn't do it either.
GEORGE: I know.
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....FOOLISH BOYS...OF COURSE THEY COULD...AND SHOULD....
