EXPLORATORY PARTNERS

I had never really heard this term until yesterday. An interesting woman who I had just gotten to know had said the word in our short goodnight after a second long evening of chat together. I was my usual cryptically hestitant self, not giving up any signs of stirring up some passion and she said to me, "Are you at ALL interested in me?" I garbled some scrambled answer meaning to say, "Fuck yes," to which she said something I sort of half heard that included something like "Everybody needs a friend" and "exploratory partner." Huh? What is that?

Of course, being my dense self, I was never quite sure if she was interested in me or how or for what either. So I spun scenarios, fantasies, and questions on my 10 minute ride home and ran into the house to type her a letter trying to clarify my throbbing interest (sorry, such a graphic image for such a more wonderfully complex attraction). Basically, the gist of my letter was...I'm open, what you got?

This morning I got a letter from her (let's call her "Mary" for fun) which spelled things out...distinctly. She thought she and I had similar sexual interests and were in a position to "switch off" when things got too clingy or "traditional". She sounded particularly interested in exploring some pain based scenarios, some S&M fantasy, some interaction based on pushing the sexual envelope a bit, some group stuff.

Uh, I'm in. What else you got? Where do we start. What, has she been reading my journals? Is this an intellectual approach to the age-old "fuck buddy"? I always hated that term but always wanted to have one. My proclivity was always sex=love=relationship and not always in that order. More recently it has been sex=touching god=humanity's oneness with all. More realistically, it could be equated as sex=fun=self-renewal=discovery. More than likely it is something a kin to how much exposure can one's sexual psyche take without exploding in a blissful quagmire of ecstatic NOW. Or as my friend Lars likes to say, sex=ok, I'll be Carlos the Pool Boy and you be the rich dowager.

What I'm trying to say, before I continually interrupt myself, is that this woman hit the nail on the head. I wrote the song "Why Waste Time" years ago and my, how it applies now.

On the one side is fear, on the other side love
and you stand alone in between
and in a shimmering orbit we fly
in a shimmering orbit we fly.

One day we're low and the next we're above
In the middle: the world that we've seen
And in a shivering moment we die
in a shivering moment we die.

so why waste time, why waste time
so why waste time, why waste time

On one side is weakness, on the other side strength
And everything else is a dream
And it's a glimmering tear that we cry
It's a glimmering tear that we cry.

So why waste time, why waste time
Why waste time, why waste time

One side says "No" and the other says "Go"
Chances blow by on the wind
Just a quivering instant gone by
A quivering instant gone by.

So why waste time, why waste time
Why waste time, why waste time*

Mary picked me out of the proverbial line-up and saw "spiritual, sexual, kama sutra, music boy" in the town where she had found little connection at a time when she was re-evaluating celibacy as a part of her spiritual practice and I walk into the door with a Tantric manual tied to my throbbing manhood like a talisman of silly import. Welcome to the high country where the altitude strafes your endurance and the rednecks push your buttons with their elbows so as not to dirty their hands with your fevers. So we are rebels here without applause (unless you call the sound of a paddle slapping a fresh pink ass applause)

As I was trying to say, it is time to allow my sexual proclivities some breathing room; to unbutton their straight-jacket but leave the cuffs on. All good.

I'm looking forward into some role switching with Mary, allowing her aggressor tendencies to slap around my passive side and in exchange give her a bit of her own medicine. I'd love to blindfold her, tie her to a chair and have her listen to Randi and I make love, getting up to tighten the nipple clips on her magnificent breasts, to slide my damp cock across her lips while Randi brushes Mary's face with her flowing hair. This of course would lead to both of them slicking up my hard rod simultaneously before I flip Randi over and slide into her while Mary greases up my anxious ass and enters me with a slippery strap-on, her breasts dangling precariously over my back...for starters...