C'MON LET'S GO

If I made love the way I dance, I’d never get laid. But I love dancing so much. OK, well, I must give myself the benefit of the doubt I’ve only been dancing for a year or so and I’ve been fucking for over 30 years. Last night I was dancing with a girl who wasn’t born when I started fucking. Why bring that up? Because it makes me feel good. Now, if I could only say some day down the road, “Last night I fucked a girl who wasn’t even born when I started dancing.” Well, maybe not. That would either make me a fetus-o-phile or have me in closing in on my 70s and her nearing 20…

Bottom line is, like sex, when you find a dancing partner with whom you have found a groove, the right music, the right moment. All time falls away and it is just pure unadulterated sexy fun.

My ex and I used to dance. Maybe one dance per wedding or once or twice a year if we were out in a bar and the band was happening. She had one particular “bounce” she did and it only worked with certain music so we were limited. Sure we could slow dance but neither of us were particularly adept at that. We’d just go in little circles. But I’ll tell you I sure loved those little circles with her.

And being a Deadhead and a musician, I never really did the whole dancin’-twirling-gyrating Dead-dance thing at shows. Not because the music didn’t move me but because the movement of my head impeded the absorption of every little musical nuance and my relationship with their music was very much one of study and detail oriented observation. So I missed a ton of a certain kind of fun at those shows. Granted, my wife didn’t attend either so twirling with my other “detail oriented buds” wasn’t something that came up. I loved watching hippie chicks go off though, spinning in all their see-through muslin freedom.

So why start dancing now? Well, I’d finally broken free of the depression of divorce and the angst of the first hellacious new post-divorce relationship (although on our last night together, she and I danced slowly in the hallway to the first song we'd ever sung onstage together years before and it was a beautiful moment, but I digress) and for the first time in my life I felt free. I felt loose and open and ready for whatever life had for me. I’d found myself at a gig by a friend’s Western Swing band and though I’d never attempt to actually “swing dance” I was discovered sort of cutting the rug near stage-side. Nothing too expansive but a bit more than my standard swaying of shoulders and never moving the feet concert/listening stance. Within a week or so, in fact, it was a year ago this month, I was at a friend’s wedding reception and the same swing band was playing. This time they had my favorite local drummer guesting and he really rocked them a bit. His date also was standing around looking ready to party and so she and I became dance partners by osmosis.

She’s a cool woman but always seemed one of the boys. A partier. Always dressed down in basic jeans and flannel hippie garb or some such thing. Not what someone would call a real femme chick. In fact, this was the first time in 20+ years I’d ever seen her wear a dress. At any rate, I’d never had so much fun dancing in my life. She and I were very responsive to each other. When I’d spin one way, she’d follow. When she’d dip a shoulder down, I’d dip the opposite up. I kept thinking, “Shit, so this is what this is all about.” We were like mirrors at times and just had a blast. Even the drummer commented, “You’re not bad out there. I’ve never seen you move so much before.”

In fact, I got a lot of nice compliments from people and in the next few months, I danced whenever the music moved me. I met a woman, Louisa, on Match.com who, while bumming me out by immediately stating that I wasn’t her type before ever meeting me, she also said we should meet for coffee and talk music since our tastes were very similar. We wound up at some concerts and bars together and found ourselves dancing and having a ball doing it. Now, that is our primary motivation for going out on the weekend.

So I’d spent my whole life not dancing. My excuse being that I didn’t want to look like an idiot. Now, who the fuck cares. I'm old enough to not be concerned in the slightest. Another factor has always been that, as at the Grateful Dead shows, I always listen intently to live music. As a musician whenever people are dancing you are either onstage playing or in the audience watching some other band and trying to pick up just what's going on. Are they any good? Any riffs I can steal? Are they making any mistakes or have any interesting ideas that might motivate my musicianship? So who had the time to dance the night away? Plus I hate being sweaty and what girl would look twice at a drenched dude? Well, now I see that girls who like to dance will...and there are lots of them out there waiting.

And recently when Louisa and I were among the first on the dance floor at a concert by a great Cajun guitarist, an old friend of mine came up and said, “I wish I could do that…I don’t have the balls to get out there and dance especially since I could never move like you guys.” Huh? Life is funny.

Then again there is always the big plus of being able to touch and hold women close without being bitch-slapped.